THE END OF THE INTERNET

Karalee and John (55 of 66) (50)

After five years I have read every recommended book, blog, and article; I have watched every video, webinar, movie, documentary, and lecture I could possibly get my mitts on.  I wanted to find the secret to a successful marriage between a man diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome and a Neurotypical woman.

I JUST wanted us to COMMUNICATE with one another in a meaningful way that did not end in my tears and his silence.

I had been kind, empathetic, supportive, and patient with my husband but he remained disinterested and he did not budge.  I begged, pleaded, cried, yelled, and threatened him, but he did not budge.  I wrote letters and emails, sent texts, made phone calls, spoke eye to forehead, back to back, in the dark, around a corner, and yet…he did not budge.  I transitioned from a strong, independent, successful, passionate, and optimistic women to an exhausted, frail, anxious, desperate disaster…and still…he did not budge.

Fun became isolation, joy became sadness, hope became despair, and love became resentment.  I had searched the end of the internet looking for some practical advice and positive outcomes from anyone out there…I was advised to “run…fast”.

My husband refused to give his time in search of an answer that did not exist. He said, “I know who I am, I don’t need anyone to tell me that.  What I need is someone to tell me what to do, and no one has those answers.”

He retreated into his own mind and I continued my futile efforts until one day I realized that he was right.  At the end of the road with little left in my mental or physical account,  I could no longer argue his logic.

There were no answers.

 So I made up my own.

This has changed everything…

 

 

 

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